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Angels Land Ohtani, Will Use Him As Pitcher and DH

Disney can now begin production on a film called Ohtani in the Outfield, a cheesy and likely slapstick sequel to Angels in the Outfield. To my great dismay, Japanese baseball phenom Shohei Ohtani has agreed to sign with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Ohtani had effectively ruled out any East Coast team last week when he took New York and Boston off his list and hinted that he’d be signing with a smaller-market West Coast team. Apparently the Japanese word for smaller-market has a different overall meaning than the English one, because Ohtani will now have to negotiate with Southern California traffic.

The Seattle Mariners and San Francisco Giants were considered the front-runners following Ohtani’s announcement, but the rebuild will continue in San Francisco, and the What in the actual Hell? will continue in Seattle without Ohtani.

Angels manager Mike Scioscia has since stated that Ohtani will indeed be used as a two-way player in Anaheim, fitting in at designated hitter in between pitching starts.

“I think it’s going to be something very, very special for our fans,” Scioscia told ESPN. “Every player, to a man, is so excited about this acquisition. Our job is to see exactly how you get a multidimensional, two-way athlete like Shohei to bring his talent on the field often enough where he leads us to that championship.”

The Angels ended 2017 with an 80-82 record, despite superstar outfielder Mike Trout missing considerable time with a thumb injury. Ohtani will join Trout and aging designated hitter Albert Pujols to try to make the Angels a contender.

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