Only a few weeks remain before the most American holiday: Super Bowl Sunday. Sure, it’s not really a holiday, but it has all the trappings of every other major American calorie/family/inebriation-fest. Men everywhere will don their high school football jerseys with their not-so-high-school bellies stepping out to welcome you to the party. Everyone is used to the usual suspects showing up on this special February in Sunday: the Pittsburgh Steelers, Green Bay Packers, Denver Broncos, and the home of real-life Sith Lords: the New England Patriots.
Imagine a world in which none of these teams made it to the Super Bowl. Could it possibly result in a Super Bowl in which everyone just sits down, shuts up, and enjoys three hours of football and two hours of commercials and uncomfortable pairings of not-sober musicians sing to backs in concession stand lines? The answer: probably. Here are 5 reasons why everyone should be cheering for a Jaguars-Vikings Super Bowl:
- Little to no likelihood of bandwagon fans after the fact.
One of the most frustrating and inevitable phenomena following nearly every Super Bowl is the immediate emergence of a bandwagon fan base for the victor. Your classes have smelled like the apparel section of a Dick’s Sporting Goods every February, and you’re tired of it. Would anyone, even with a victory, actually have the audacity to claim they’re a Vikings or Jaguars fan? Absolutely not. They’re both respectable teams, no doubt, but the obscurity in which they find themselves make such a claim way too hard to believe. Even the average diesel mechanic apprentice hyped up on Mountain Dew Code Red knows that. With no threat of an obnoxious emerging bandwagon, this Super Bowl matchup is looking better already.
2. Possibility of Vikings winning it on their home turf.
In Super Bowl history, there has never been a team that has won on their home field. The San Francisco 49ers won Super Bowl XIX at Stanford Stadium in California, which was close but not technically their home field. To see the Vikings, someone nobody expected to make it as far, win the Super Bowl in front of their dedicated fans would be a great sports moment. Seeing the Patriots win the Super Bowl in Foxborough would be like watching Nickelback play a concert in one of their mom’s garages.
3. Ability to focus on your food more.
When Tom Brady isn’t on the field, there’s no pressure to watch and wait for him to trip on those annoying saggy socks of his. With the ability to simply enjoy a game of football, and less pressure to glue your eyes to the TV, your food consumption and enjoyment will skyrocket. It’s like Thanksgiving dinner on the couch, but with more barbecue sauce and less Detroit Lions.
4. A chance to witness history
Neither the Vikings nor the Jaguars have ever won a Super Bowl. The Vikings won what was called the “NFL Championship Game” in 1969 before losing Super Bowl IV to the AFL’s (American Football League, don’t you dare confuse it with Arena Football) Kansas City Chiefs. The Jaguars joined the NFL in 1995 and have yet to reach a Super Bowl. A victory for either team would be a significant milestone and an awesome moment to witness.
5. Even know-it-alls don’t know anything about them
Nobody likes to listen to the commentators on TV. Fewer people like to listen to armchair commentators who harp on the team’s history or the seating capacity of the stadium or Aaron Rodgers‘ junior varsity stats from high school. Know-it-alls haven’t been paying attention to these teams, meaning if you make everyone put their phones in another room for the game, you can enjoy in relative peace.
So, as the Super Bowl matchup takes shape, remember who you’re cheering for: the Minnesota Vikings and the Jacksonville Jaguars. Or, you can grab your red lightsaber and root for the Patriots. Your choice.